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Greif... a Sacred Gift

Updated: Aug 21, 2021

I remember many times of pure grief in my life. The empty, hollow feeling that seems to settle into your existence. Time seems to slow down but your vision becomes hyper clear, and simultaneously your brain cannot finish thoughts, much less sentences. Uncomfortable people surround you, trying desperately to come up with the “right words” to say to you, when there simply are no right words. You cannot fathom the loss, or what life looks like without this person in it. You cannot get up or you hyperfixate on getting shit done, services and so on, you can have feelings later….maybe. And if you're lucky you get to pendulate through all of these feelings, sometimes all in one day. Or maybe you get stuck in one phase. There is no one way to do grief. Don’t let anyone tell you that there is. Unfortunately it is a reality of being an incarnated human on a planet where emotion is a catalyst. We are social - emotional beings with convoluted attachments to people, and when they are gone things can get so emotionally complicated. I have personally known grief, but I have also had the sacred duty of sitting with someone who is grieving. My faith in the afterlife makes me pretty comfortable with other people's discomfort so I am able to sit with you and say nothing for hours, and it doesn't bother me a bit. I am comfortable with silence, and comfortable with touch and I let the other person lead where things are going to go. I proactively teach my children how to be with someone else in their discomfort, and hope that that helps them someday. We don't talk enough about death and we should. The fear of death actually runs rampant in family lines, from old religious schools of thought, being taught that you will burn in hell for your sins when you die. You might be doubtful of that idea, but it could be in your DNA. Seriously. Epigenetics is real.

What I'm laying the groundwork for here is my position on the idea that Grief is sacred and can not only be moved through gracefully, but also appreciated on some level. I know that might sound like a stretch and it's ok if you cannot get there, but for your consideration and contemplation, I present my beliefs. While you are reading, see how it makes you feel. Not what you think, but what you feel.

1 - I believe grief Teaches us how to empathize

Kind of touched on this in the first paragraph, being with someone in this kind of pain you begin to search yourself for experiences that relate, for words that comfort. you look at the other person in their pain, and for a moment their pain is yours, and your heart hurts for them. Seeing the world through their eyes in that moment is called empathy, which is much different than sympathy. To me sometimes sympathy comes off as pity. It's helpless. But empathy says : If I were in your shoes, I would feel _______ and this helps me know how to react to YOU. Learning empathy is a way to get to know yourself. Once you have been through just one experience like this, you have an instant bond with someone else who has also gone through this. Its easier to accept comfort from someone else when you know they have been through something similar. My mom passed away from complications of Alzheimers. Some of my closest relationships are with people who have also lost their parents that way. There is an unspoken connection, and you don't always have to use so many words to explain the impact some unrelated experience has on you years down the road, like your child is graduating but your mom isn't here to see it. If you are interested in “testing” your empathy in a more clinical manner or seeing more research, here are some links for you. There is lots of research showing that greater empathy leads to more helping behavior. Empathy is often measured with self-report questionnaires such as the Interpersonal Reactivity Index (IRI) or Questionnaire for Cognitive and Affective Empathy (QCAE).

2 - I believe Grieving naturally slows us down and allows us to appreciate the people that we are surrounded by. We might realize we are taking things for granted. This actually dovetails nicely with what I was sharing about my experiences of overworking during times of stress & grief. Slowing down is actually the secret to having a healthier body. I know that people tell you it’s diet and exercise…(LOL) but honestly... based on the knowledge we have from our channeled work it is your intentions, and your ability to process emotions that determines how healthy your body is. And when moving through things more slowly, when allowing yourself to feel things you can transcend, and that will, in the long run result in a body with less dis-ease. (*this is my belief, based on my experiences with clients in private sessions and class experiences. Do not misconstrue this as medical advice.)

3 - I believe grief causes us question our own spirituality

I continue to be amazed at God/Source/universe’s amazing design and how perfect it can be. You could go your whole life avoiding internally questioning yourself about spiritual issues, but grief comes along and causes that questioning, perhaps just enough for your soul to expand a bit more. Even if you are a horrible human being at some point, grief will enter and cause some questions in your mind. (*with a few exceptions, yes like sociopathic/psychopathic minds) If you are a religious or spiritual person, whatever you subscribe to you dig deeper. There is nothing like death to recalibrate your life. You are instantly reminded of what is critically important in your life.

-I believe grief teaches us how to accept help

It’s something I'm still working on. I don't like to accept help. So much so that I used to irritate friends and family. Eventually one of my friends said something like “fine, this is for me, make me happy and let me help you” She knew me well. Once I finally let someone help, I actually DID feel better! Grief can put you in a place where your day-to-day responsibilities feel extraordinarily difficult. When this happens, it’s ok to accept help from people that are offering. I don't know if I was ashamed of accepting help, or it was some sort of armor so I didn't have to FEEL the feelings yet by staying busy. (Ok it was totally the latter) Grief is a tangible but non physical weight you wear like a vest. (it can become physical though) If you can learn to accept help from others, you expand a bit. It causes you to see yourself as worthy, and connects you to others who are doing what you are doing, trudging through life. You are worthy of receiving help. And if you really sincerely struggle with this, reach out, I have lots of ideas for you to heal this aspect of yourself. We can do it together!

The effects of grief on the physical body have been studied and I would be inauthentic if I did not talk about what happens to the body during grief since neurochemistry and physiology is so near and dear to my heart.

According to studies done mostly on bereaved spouses during the first weeks, many experience increased heart rates, higher blood pressure and may be more likely to have heart attacks. Over their lifetimes then, they may have a higher risk for cardiovascular disease, infections, cancer and chronic diseases like diabetes. Scientists know that grief causes the brain to send a cascade of stress hormones and other signals to the cardiovascular and immune systems that can ultimately change how those systems function. This supports our channeled information and the theory that build up or traumatic (stress) emotional chemicals in the body contribute to diseases over the long - term.

From an energetic perspective do you find it ironic or coincidental that during a time when your heart is breaking from grief, it affects your cardiovascular health?

I don't believe in coincidences. And I believe we can help ourselves. I will end with a story of grief. It's my story, and specifically my story of grieving AFTER we channeled the “cellular memory clearing process” in 2019 Storytime with Missy !!

I'm a dog lover, always have been always will be. We have adopted somewhere around 15 dogs from puppy mills, and I have loved them, and nursed them all. I am no stranger to crisis and I feel comfortable with medical issues and crises including euthanasia. I have always been comfortable with death. Even before my “awakening” I finally got myself my first english bulldog in 2012 I had wanted one for years but they are so pricey. We got one, and she was my love. We were besties. Always together. and in the summer of 2014 we renovated our deck into our pool. There was a 48 hour time period that the pool steps were ungated as our gate was delayed in its arrival from amazon… Normally, my Talula went everywhere with me, and the daycare kids and I headed out to the park that day, and Talula usually goes with us. I have NO idea why she got left behind that day. Such a freak thing. She was an extension of me. That afternoon I went out to pull the solar cover off the pool for the kids and found Talula floating dead in the pool. I have never in my life felt such horror and shock and pain. I pulled her out and layed on the deck with her dead body for hours. Until I had to take her to the vet. I went through the most horrible depression of my life then. Disgusting, sickening, numb, punishing depression. I consistently experienced flashbacks, and had difficulty functioning with daily tasks.

The brain fog was REAL. I think it was this point in my life when I first learned how to compartmentalize, so that I could work. I couldn't afford to take weeks off just so I could have feelings. And had a family to take care of. I suffered silently for yeaaars. Crying in bathroom, or before I went to bed. Spent an entire 2 summers out of the pool because I just couldn't do it. I kept seeing her dead body, the foam from her mouth, those eyes. I thought of her every single day for nearly 5 years, the guilt and shame I felt was truly incomprehensible. I felt completely responsible for her death. And that pained me. It was my first true taste of grief. I was 36.

In the slew of dogs we adopted was a little boy we named Doakes. He was my baby, his snuggle skills were unparalleled. He had storm anxiety that just seemed to get worse and worse as the years went on. (there are metaphysical reasons for this too if you would like to read more about that here is the link) He found comfort in my daughters room, in the back of the house, and she and Doakes became best friends. They were both old souls in anxious bodies, and they fit together like bread and butter. In the fall of 2020, after the Iowa derecho there was a “regular” storm. It was common for Doakes to dig out of our fence in the middle of the night and go running. No matter how I tried to fence him in, his “flee” mechanism was in its prime. I knew it was bad, we had a pet door, and the other dogs were used to going when they needed to and to put the pet door in meant they could not go out. We we did the best we could by putting in the pet door so no one in the house could go out when we were expecting a storm. One storm, I didn't know about. I woke up at 5 am to thunder and lightning and immediately went to look for Doakes. He was gone. I searched until 7 for him in the car all over the neighborhood. I finally got a call that someone had found his body on the main road in town. Far from our home. What I found that day, was not anything anyone should have to witness ever. I know that as humans it happens, but it was so beyond awful, I can barely find words to describe it. It took me only a few seconds to scoop all the pieces of him into my arms and pull him to my chest. Now not only did my irresponsibility cause my dog's death, but I had to tell my extremely sensitive daughter her best friend was gone, and I had failed as not only a dog owner, but also as a parent.

I laid in bed for the entire weekend. I cried, and I grieved and I felt all the same familiar pains of guilt and shame that I had felt before. But this time I had cellular memory clearing on my side. As I cried and I grieved I cleared. I cleared all the visceral guttural emotions, the feeling of the slime of his organs in my bare hands mixed with the grit of the sand from the road, I cleared the visions that would not leave my mind. For hours on end. I thought about him every single day. For 3 weeks. That first day it was 5:30 pm and I realized I had not thought of him all day, then I felt guilty for that. But knew that was logical grief. 3 weeks compared to 5 years.

I know there are other things at play here, I was older and wiser, and more expanded as a soul. I let myself lay in bed the entire weekend with the express purpose of grieving, and feeling. I truly credit cellular memory clearing for my grief being less intense and for a shorter amount of time.

Imagine If everyone was taught to use this cellular memory clearing from a young age, imagine the impact it would have on the collective at large. The burdens we carry around could be significantly decreased. We would have less disease! How to clear cellular memory is a passion of ours and we offer free instruction in many ways on our website and social media outlets. Here is the link to the how-to blog post

The concepts and ideas presented here are again just my beliefs presented for your contemplation and consideration. I can only hope that I have at least given you a springboard from which to explore your own beliefs and ideas. If something I said resonates with you, maybe we could chat about it ! Share your comments and ideas in the comments section.

I wish you the very best in all your grief journeys and If I or the AG can help support you, we are here, and please take good care of yourself.

Chat Soon!

to find out more about our services or how we can help you with grief, check out our full website at To get help with your individual healing, check out integration sessions with Missy of the AG Family.

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